Cloud does Seuss (& His nails, eventually)
by StormAngel Kiroko
Summary: I dunno if this is going anywhere, but if it is, i'm just as lost as you are.
1. Default Chapter

Cloud Does Seuss (And his Nails!!!) Eventually.  
  
He sat on a table,  
  
Why? I do not know.  
  
I do not know why,  
  
But it suited him, so.  
  
And painted his nails.  
  
Then started one toe  
  
When all of a sudden  
  
There landed a Blow  
  
It looked kinda woozy  
  
And staggered a bit  
  
He watched it awhile  
  
And then hollered "Shit!"  
  
As the kitchen door opened  
  
Yes, open it did  
  
It flattened the creature  
  
And in sauntered  
  
CID!  
  
Good morning young Spiky!  
  
He shouted with glee  
  
He gleefully shouted  
  
And went to make.. Tea!  
  
The boy was upset,  
  
And his black laquer slipped  
  
Until that numbskull pilot  
  
Was expertly tripped.  
  
Cloud pulled back his foot  
  
With a vaguely pleased smile  
  
Returned to his painting  
  
Cid's language was vile!  
  
"You calm little bastard!"  
  
he uttered in spite  
  
"Why I oughtta."  
  
He could have gone on all  
  
NIGHT!!!!  
  
The tirade was endless  
  
As Cloud-chan himself  
  
It threatened his villa,  
  
His bike and his health  
  
But stopped in an instant  
  
When Vincent stepped in  
  
He came to see just  
  
Who was making the din!  
  
Then seeing the pilot  
  
(pissed at being hurt)  
  
gave Cloud a quick wink  
  
just itching to flirt.  
  
"Don't bother" Cloud warned,  
  
before harm could be done,  
  
and shrugging,  
  
the vampire unholstered his gun  
  
he wouldn't have shot Cid  
  
(still prone on the tiles)  
  
but the pilot jumped up  
  
and ran two or three miles  
  
alone, Cloud was nervous,  
  
what was to be done?  
  
"I'm flattered Vince, really.  
  
It could have been fun.  
  
But I'm taken already,  
  
Remember.. Your son?"  
  
The words were so harsh  
  
That the vampire did cry  
  
He sniffed just a little  
  
(what a sensitive guy.)  
  
then followed the pilot  
  
it was worth a try.  
  
Our hero was happy  
  
With peace, for a change  
  
And sang a quick dirge  
  
For the creature, how strange  
  
The short life of the Blow  
  
It's start and it's ending  
  
A minute or so  
  
It had died in Death's kitchen  
  
As he painted his toe.  
  
He sang like an angel,  
  
So sad was the song,  
  
That Tifa came running  
  
To see what was wrong.  
  
Another nail ruined  
  
Cloud sighed in despair  
  
As the girl saw the gravestone  
  
(Scotch mist and thin air)  
  
"Oh! Poor little bunny!"  
  
She patted his hair,  
  
Which fell over his shoulders  
  
All silky and fair  
  
"I could make you so happy."  
  
She said with a smirk  
  
That she used far too much  
  
For it ever to work  
  
"Look, Tifa" he groaned,  
  
"I've no problem with sex,  
  
get it into your bubbly head,  
  
as long as the person has really good pecs  
  
and a pecker to play with in bed."  
  
"I'm morbid by nature,  
  
It's part of the job,  
  
Or I'd have quite a complex by now  
  
(Aside from the ones  
  
Which were mostly your fault)  
  
So get off or you join them, daft cow."  
  
He'd only just noticed  
  
How different he seemed  
  
(With abnormal timing)  
  
from Tifa. he beamed  
  
"I'm not like you mortals,  
  
if truth should be told  
  
and you'll find that I'm trouble to know.  
  
'cause the ones that love me  
  
find they soon cease to be.  
  
It's a bummer, but I'd pack and go."  
  
..Okay, I've gotta stop eventually ^_^ Just say if you want more, I could go on like this for DAYS!!!! Or perhaps a suggestion of who else Cloud can tease. 


	2. TurX

Cloud does Seuss, His nails, (and the Turks').  
  
  
  
Hey!!!! This madness got reviews!!!  
  
Okay. Due to popular demand, I continue^_^  
  
Oh, and I forgot the warnings and disclaimers and shit before..  
  
Warning: I hate warning people. But I don't wanna be sued and stuff, so. Shounen-Ai, Eventual Yaoi (PWP Slash) Naughty words ^_^ Random Insanity, Goth, Satanist, Pagan, Death, references. Dumb spoilers, Intent to offend, indiscriminate character clobbering. I haven't bothered with spellchecking either because my computer always crashes when I do.  
  
I think it objects to my sense of humour.  
  
Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns them, I just give them something worthwhile to do. Sue me, I dare you. Just wait in line.  
  
  
  
So Tifa went packing,  
  
Ran straight out the door  
  
Will we see her again?  
  
Quoth our Cloud "Nevermore!"  
  
As he finished his task  
  
Now reminded of Poe  
  
He glanced to the sky  
  
It had started to snow.  
  
A figure came trudging  
  
His hair a bright red  
  
"Just a minute" Cloud gasped,  
  
"Snowing, here? In the Med?"  
  
"Apparently so"  
  
Reno said, walking in.  
  
And without more ado  
  
Raided the biscuit tin.  
  
He was joined in a minute  
  
By Ellie and Rude  
  
And the ghost of T'seng  
  
To make off with the food.  
  
But Strife wouldn't have it  
  
He glared at the boss,  
  
Who, now he'd been spotted  
  
was at a total loss.  
  
He saw Cloud's expression  
  
Of evil and mirth,  
  
And promptly returned  
  
To the goddess of Earth.  
  
The others were clueless,  
  
went on unaware  
  
Even Elena hadn't  
  
known who had been there.  
  
To make matters worse  
  
Rude discovered the beer  
  
And began to converse  
  
With unnatural cheer  
  
"So, Spike." He began,  
  
as the boy dried his feet,  
  
he leant over to look,  
  
"Hey, your nails are neat!  
  
Do you think that, perhaps,  
  
You could give me some hints?  
  
I've got twenty two shades,  
  
And near seventy tints."  
  
Reno was speechless  
  
He'd never presumed  
  
That his friend had an interest  
  
In being well groomed.  
  
While Strife, in his ardour  
  
Dug through all his things,  
  
Black eyeliner, and lipstick  
  
A few silver rings.  
  
He pulled out a dagger  
  
Engraved with dark runes  
  
A goblet, for rutuals,  
  
A chart of full moons.  
  
"I'm sure it's here somewhere."  
  
He muttered out loud  
  
Before going in deeper  
  
Retrieving a shroud.  
  
He blushed rather deeply,  
  
At some of the spots  
  
And put it aside  
  
To be washed with the pots.  
  
(It can never be said  
  
that he liked doing chores,  
  
and being impractical  
  
one of his flaws)  
  
Then let out a whoop  
  
As he pulled out a book  
  
"I write stuff like that here,  
  
If you want, you can look."  
  
The object was snatched up  
  
By Reno, for kicks  
  
He took it and giggled  
  
At some of the pics.  
  
Drawn by our hero  
  
Our hero could draw,  
  
But the things he had scribbled!  
  
All weirdness and gore.  
  
And one of his boyfriend  
  
Asleep on the floor.  
  
Elena was forced  
  
To re-close Reno's jaw.  
  
Cloud took back his notes,  
  
With a look that could maim  
  
While he clapped them together hard, shut  
  
With unnatural flair,  
  
And a flick of gold hair  
  
he gave Reno a kick in the nuts.  
  
"I don't draw too bad.  
  
I was trying to help!  
  
And I thought you'd appreciate this.  
  
You'd better get out,  
  
'cause I'm starting to doubt  
  
That he'll ever stop taking the piss."  
  
.....That's all for now folks.. ^_^ 


	3. Happy healer and the brave knight

Cloud does Seuss, His nails, The Turks, (And the Lifestream!!!!)  
  
This one's for the lovely Swordy ^_^ it's her fault for encouraging my poor addled mind when we both oughtta know better.  
  
Dragonsihn, if you actually were brave enough to read my stuff, good on ya man. .^_^. Hope you got that beauty sleep, and e-maileth me post haste, mine gallant. (Though I'd rather not get any birds crapping on my roof, or plastic flowers, my room's a dump already.)  
  
J/K  
  
Warnings: Same as always… if it offends you, lighten up.  
  
Disclaimer: I guess they aren't mine, but Cloud and Seph could prolly claim squatter's rights over my brain pretty soon.  
  
…….  
  
The blue suited men,  
  
(And that chick with the punch)  
  
ran away just like always  
  
with mentions of "Lunch"  
  
while Cloud settled back  
  
on his table to wait,  
  
There still were three hours  
  
to go 'till his date.  
  
Yep, that's what he had,  
  
And he couldn't be late  
  
Though his friends seemed against it  
  
Not to mention fate.  
  
When all of a sudden  
  
Nope, no more strange beasts^_^  
  
to his greatest surprise  
  
(and mine, to say the least!)  
  
there came a tapping  
  
(as of someone gently rapping,  
  
rapping on his chamber door.)  
  
"Come in?" He offered,  
  
slightly sore,  
  
that no-one had bothered  
  
with knocking before.  
  
The man who then entered  
  
Was caught in a hug.  
  
"Oh, thank god it's you, Zack!  
  
You big, handsome lug"  
  
"Why thankyou!"  
  
he answered, returning the squeeze,  
  
"But why the big welcome?  
  
I just brought your ….cheese."  
  
And surely enough,  
  
In the warriors palm  
  
Was a hunk of blue stilton  
  
Imported from Kalm.  
  
Still smiling, our Cloud  
  
Took the smelliest snack;  
  
Went to search for some crackers,  
  
Snakebite & Black.  
  
When in came the healer  
  
All dressed up in pink  
  
She turned to our hero  
  
And said "Boy, doesn't that STINK!"  
  
He nodded and shrugged  
  
In that cute little way  
  
And replied, "It's my dinner,  
  
I'd love if you'd stay."  
  
So the three settled down  
  
On the table to chat  
  
(There weren't any chairs,  
  
I'm afraid, fancy that!)  
  
And fuelled on Guiness  
  
They started to play  
  
Strip tabletop twister  
  
(It's harder to say….)  
  
The overall winner  
  
Was Cloud by a mile  
  
He had practiced a lot  
  
And had natural style.  
  
(Oh, and Swordy? I know  
  
what you're going to say  
  
But I left Zack his undies.  
  
'cause im feeling that way.  
  
Plus, I just can't imagine  
  
Zack, totally Gay…  
  
Or Cloud, for that matter.  
  
Definately bi,  
  
And he can't really cheat  
  
On MY fave SOLDIER guy^_^)  
  
All happy and rested  
  
Our trio did stop  
  
And fell on the floor  
  
In a drunk, knackered, flop  
  
Suffice it to say,  
  
That Cloud /Wasn't/ on top.  
  
But the Eternal Uke  
  
Didn't get in a strop.  
  
He started to giggle  
  
As Zack slithered back,  
  
pushing off Aerith  
  
Who dropped with a crack  
  
On top of the crackers  
  
And a puddle of Cider  
  
Zack's Eyes opened wide  
  
(But his grin was much wider.)  
  
while the Cetra just stared  
  
at our hero's pet spider.  
  
Which lived on the ceiling  
  
Entirely content,  
  
To be just like it's master.  
  
It slept in a vent.  
  
But it chose just that moment  
  
While sitting in curds  
  
That spider saw Aerith  
  
And struggled for words  
  
As he sat down beside her  
  
She tickled it's belly  
  
While Zack stopped his laughing  
  
His legs turned to jelly.  
  
"What's wrong with my spider?"  
  
Our hero inquired  
  
"Don't you think that he's sweet  
  
When he's gentle and tired?  
  
He's usually friendly  
  
If you treat him with care.  
  
Um, Zack? Do you think you  
  
Could come down from there?"  
  
But Zack was afraid  
  
And had leapt to the table  
  
To Cloud-chan and Aerith  
  
He didn't look stable.  
  
"He won't bite I promise,  
  
He wouldn't want to  
  
Though he's got quite a liking for blood.  
  
I feed him each day  
  
When he comes out to play  
  
And you don't really taste quite as good."  
  
Oh, Aerith did sigh  
  
As Zack started to cry  
  
And then wondered  
  
Just how Cloud could know.  
  
It just didn't gel  
  
That the angel from hell  
  
Could have tasted /her/ boyfriend  
  
Just so.  
  
She didn't get angry  
  
It sounded quite nice  
  
But 'twas nearly the time for that date  
  
She put on a smile  
  
That was sugar and spice  
  
And said  
  
"Zack? I think we should go."  
  
……………  
  
Um….. any more suggestions?  
  
~~  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
I was frightened this morning,  
  
It isn't a joke,  
  
When one's harddrive is failing,  
  
It started to choke  
  
I think it's alright now  
  
(I can't see any smoke)  
  
but I'll take it away  
  
and let someome else poke ^_^  
  
It's nearly a veteran  
  
I've had it so long  
  
And I thought I was fine  
  
I can fix /anything/ wrong  
  
But I'm not very happy  
  
With some of those sounds!  
  
And a new one would cost me  
  
Near five hundred pounds… 


End file.
